Dating an occasional drug user

Loss of appetite is one side effect of cocaine use and a person using cocaine may begin to lose weight so rapidly that the change in appearance is impossible to ignore. Also cocaine use can make a person experience nausea and the constant need to throw up which further inhibits appetite. While pipes, razor blades and bongs, are paraphernalia most commonly associated with cocaine use, in fact anything can be used as a vehicle to use drugs like small mirrors typically used for shaving, crushed soda cans with holes punched into them, pens with their innards removed, anything glass that has openings on two ends or with black residue like a lighter has been held to it a long time.

While an emergency at home or workplace — as in case of a doctor — can be a valid reason to leave abruptly, such situations are always transparent and there is nothing to hide.

Drug addicts usually have a favorite spot and a favorite time no matter how hard they try to hide it. Also just like cravings can strike a pregnant woman any time, the same may be true of drug addicts which is why your date may be compelled to disappear without rhyme or reason. Things go missing If you have been spending a lot of time together to the extent that your possessions are often lying around at each others place, then any sign of valuables or money going missing should act as a red flag.

Cocaine is an expensive drug. The National Institute on Chemical Dependency reports that the high cost of cocaine is often what makes users become dealers of the drug.

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Dating a drug-user? - relationships love drugs | Ask MetaFilter

It mmay seem inconceivable but drug addicts have been known to barter even their wedding ring to finance their next high. So if your date has been exhibiting most of the above signs and then starts seeing things and points out objects which are simply not there, you know there is something serious going on. Prone to violence Another symptom of prolonged cocaine use is a tendency to violence.

But then when I was young I also thought I knew best. So it has ever been. My off-the-cuff recommendation would be to tell his friends you're feeling like you're being looked down on for your views, and that you would like a little respect for a differing opinion. If they can't accept that their world view may not be perfectly correct and allow that others might just have valid insights, then it's time to step back for a while. Express politely that you'd like to be with them, but that you need to feel like you're not looked down on.

Then see how the boyfriend reacts to this. If he's empathetic he should see that just perhaps he plays a part in your feeling low when this subject comes up. Maybe that will improve things, or at least flag the topic as a sensitive one that they will avoid. He's shitting you; there's no "personal growth" here, he's just a stoner. You have legitimate concerns about drugs. I agree with others who say that the relationship probably won't work in the long run.

Do you really want to be in a situation in which, a. His friends sound really immature, and peer pressure is never fun, especially when you're out of middle school. Take it from a guy who, in another life, used to get twacked over the moon on drugs of all varieties. Is a bunch of shit. Like Terrible Llama said, it'd be so much easier to take this dude seriously if he would just admit that he's getting high because getting high can be a total fucking blast for some people.

Instead, he offers up this mealy-mouthed rationalization and does so, as a bonus, in a mad condescending way - that is, "I'm using these to get enlightened , and if you were enlightened like me, you'd understand that! He wants to remove his ego? He should try meditating, or maybe avoiding haughty justifications for his pursuit of animal pleasures. Now, obviously, I risk severe hypocrisy if I condemn someone for using recreational drugs, so let's just set that matter aside and consider practical matters.

He's into drugs; you're not. What does that mean for your relationship, its future and your day-to-day interactions? Do you hang around with him while he's doing whatever he's doing? Or, do you spend huge chunks of time apart while he's out getting a fat sack of personal growth? Is it fun to be around him when he's high and you're not, or when he's coming down and you were never up?

Is this the only concern of yours that he doesn't understand or take seriously? My suspicion is that, owing to these severe differences in your personal value systems and activity preferences, you two are probably poorly matched. Jesus, I just saw your reply about what drugs he takes. I thought we were talking relatively harmless ones like shrooms and weed. The effects of ketamine are, but are not limited to: Anyone who takes this without checking the effects is taking far too many risks. Well if they are arguing with you, then just tell them to agree to disagree.

If you can accept it, just tell them to STFU. I am not gonna touch the issue of using those drugs being healthy, normal, or sustainable. I will say, from experience, that it is very difficult to do a relationship when both parties aren't on the same page regarding substance use. That's quite a cocktail. If you are not interested in accepting the risks associated with recreational drug use, move on and quickly.

Those risks are not neither small nor inconsequential. The fact that you are talking about MDMA analogues tells me that you have, at least, been listening to him and his friends when they talk about their mental expansion programs. Have you done your own reading? Erowid is the source on the internet I found most even-handed. I'm not sure why they have started arguing with me Not having been part of a similar group in my life, but having had friends who were, I'd surmise that there might be a paranoid element at work here; everything that the boyfriend is doing that you listed is illegal, and they're probably worrying that you'll narc on them to try to get your boyfriend away from that crowd.

Or, maybe, mellow egoless groovy people that they are notwithstanding, it just bugs them that there's someone outside the group mindset in their circle.

10 Signs of Cocaine Use - Are you Dating a Drug Addict?

Either way, it doesn't bode well for you and your relationship. You don't have the same legal culpability as they do, and therefore the motivation to keep everything under wraps, so I hate to be yet another member of the DTMFA chorus, but I really don't see a lot of hope for the long-term prospects of this relationship. Like hold a job? If not, I think the recreational bit may be unrealistically optimistic. Especially if he is under Stoned kids off my lawn. I think the only point here is that they're a valid though not necessarily legal lifestyle choice that many adults make, and one that particularly seems villified by the American political and educational systems.

Without getting into too much detail, I've had this quandary in relationships several times before, interestingly on both sides of the equation. I used to do a lot more drugs, now I do fewer. The only way you can get to an "agree to disagree" place here is if you're both willing to do that. This also means that if you get to that place, then you have to have some graceful way to deal with his friends and his general cultural choices.

I grew up in a family of problem drinkers and did, for a long time, have a sort of knee-jerkish response to people I cared about drinking around me. I used to be a bit of a hardliner, not wanting to date people who drank and getting into big lengthy "but why?

I've grown a lot since then and learned to separate what's bad behavior and what's just a situation I'm unsure of or unsteady with. It's okay to not want to be treated badly, it's more your issue if you're just fearing bad treatment based on free-range anxieties and trying to control behavior as a result. So, if your boyfriend is taking drugs and that is causing him to treat you in a way you don't like, that's no good but maybe workable.

If he's taking drugs and the drugs themselves are the thing you don't like, this is probably a parting point for the two of you. For your part, you should listen for this when the two of you talk and act accordingly. For example if he's using his intoxication as some sor tof excuse for dropping the ball "Oh hey sorry I didn't call you back, I was really fucked up. This is true whether he's drinking too much beer or taking too much ketamine. Many people are comfortable with recreational drug use as a totally valid thing to do for fun. If you're not one of these people and your boyfriend is, that may be a gulf that's not really possible to bridge and you'd both be better off with people who share your outlooks.

There's not really a way to win the "there aren't enough advantages I was going to respond to specific comments, but there's too much self-righteous BS in here to do that. People are reading a lot of things into the post that the OP hasn't said, and even assuming things that the OP specifically contradicted. I'll just say that people have been using mind-altering substances for all of recorded history, and many many people who used such substances have done great things and made lasting contributions to society.

And of course all drugs are not the same, and not all drug-users use substances in the same way. Some people are responsible about it, some people aren't. The "all substance-users are lazy, dangerous, good-for-nothings" attitude is ridiculous and unhelpful. Obscure Reference's comment is one of the few reasonable replies in here. The bottom line is it's up to you to decide what you want to put in your body and whom you want to date. Frankly I'm not at all clear on what you're looking to get for an answer here, besides a bunch of people posting judgmental nonsense and telling you to dump your boyfriend.

If this is a problem for your relationship it's probably not going to change and you should break up. If it's not a problem, don't worry about it. But having a sensible, informed, non-alarmist outlook on drug use is a good idea in any case. I was very nearly involved with someone who was into recreational drugs, and we disagreed a lot about their necessity, frequency of use, etc. Ultimately our different views on the subject is what kept us from a closer relationship. I recognized that I couldn't form anything long-term with this guy, not without constantly daily dealing with his "minor" drug habits that I did not entirely approve of.

I think unless you can accept all of what a person is or does, without hidden nagging doubts or reservations, the relationship is bound to get weaker and weaker. Especially when you feel like there are health risks the other person is ignoring. Personally, I could never give all of myself to someone who I knew was harming themselves and blowing it off. Could you really deal with that? Really think about what you want, because you two really are in different worlds right now that don't seem to be meshing at all.

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It's you, or the drugs. Experience tells me that he'll choose the drugs over you, every time. It's a harsh reality. You'll save yourself a lot of headaches and heartaches that way. To make the situation a bit clearer, especially in response to eattheweak, I don't tend to hang out with him when he's " enlightening" himself, but I'm often with him when he's smoking dope and I've been present at parties and festivals or gatherings of friends where he takes MDMA or acid. I don't expect him or his friends to stop taking drugs but I have to disagree when it comes to their reasoning. I did dabble in drugs, did acid, smoked, took shrooms, but I did it just out of fun, curiosity and peer pressure.

I'm not against it for a bit of fun, I like to get a bit drunk now and again. I just have a problem with the continually taking all sorts of things in order to better themselves, and their disregard of my opinion. I have a great time with him when he's not under-the-influence but I agree that we probably don't have much of a future. I've been seeing this guy for over 6 months now, and everything is absolutley wonderful, except It's the fact that, 6 months into the relationship, you're trying to fix him.

Not a good pattern to get into. But then, I've said that before. Btw, the fixing issue is kinda going both ways. As much as I'm telling him that I don't think he's drug taking is justified or necessary, and he's saying I'm immature and I can't understand him or his friends until I lose my ego apparently through tripping? I'm thinking this isn't going to last much longer. I guess I'm better suited to someone with the same views.

While he's getting high to remove his ego and experience personal growth and development, what are you doing? Just sitting in a room, watching him and his friends dork around? If he's interested in personal growth and development, what other things is he doing to grow and develop? Anything interesting, or just the drugs?

I'd dump him just for being that dull. This isn't a drug issue at all, is it? I agree with A Terrible Lama. It sounds like he's 16 years old. People do drugs for fun, then make up an excuse for why they're more than just drug users. If you can't admit that you're doing it for fun, you aren't old enough to do it. I'd also dump him if he's doing any of the drugs that are addictive enough that people are willing to visit someone squatting in an abandoned house or lie to a doctor for their fix. That doesn't end well. Screw that if he's doing it, because he's a time bomb.

If it's just pot or even occasional LSD use you're fighting about, I'd call you a bit controlling. You actively disapprove of something he enjoys. That gets old, no matter what we're talking about: I'd be irritated if my wife banned me from tinkering in the garage because she found it loathsome. If seeing someone take drugs is that distressing, why put yourself in that situation? You can't make your boyfriend stop, but you can avoid being around him when he does take drugs. Don't give him another ultimatum - take action yourself.

It is hard to deal objectively with emotions that overwhelm us, such as the understandable fear you experience when people close to you use drugs. The hurtful comments made by your partner's friends are almost bound to trigger some insecurity. However, it is important to try to understand and control our reactions, when these threaten to undermine an otherwise happy relationship.

Make an assessment of the extent to which your partner's behaviour poses a risk to his health or your relationship by reference to the available evidence. For instance, consult recent reports about the potential dangers of recreational drug use and consider the experiences of your partner and his friends, alongside what happened to your sibling. This exercise may help to calm your fears. There is a wealth of advice available on dealing with anxiety - exercise, yoga, country walks and distraction are all worth considering. On the other hand, trying to control your partner is both impossible and undesirable.

Built-up resentment always seems to find an outlet. As the parent of a teenager and younger children too, I am always trying to balance their increasing need for freedom with my desire for them to eat their food and do their homework. There is no way I would attempt to control my partner though. As for your partner's friends: Above all, develop your own interests and friendships. Name and address withheld. Most recreational drugs are illegal and all of them have potentially harmful side-effects, so you are certainly justified in holding the views you do.

However, that does not mean you have the right to insist that your boyfriend shares your views.

What the expert thinks: Linda Blair

Equally, he has no right to expect you to take drugs yourself, to approve of his behaviour, or even to be with him when he takes drugs. Ecstasy, the substance you say he uses most often, is a Class A drug. That means it is illegal to have it, sell it, or even to give it away. If your boyfriend is caught in possession of ecstasy while you are together, it will be hard for you to prove your innocence. The penalty for possession is up to seven years in prison. I expect you are both aware of the potential side-effects of drugs such as ecstasy, so I won't elaborate on these here.

However, it is worth reminding you both that, because the drugs he takes are illegal, he must obtain them illegally. That means he can never be sure that he is buying what he intends to buy, so he is also putting himself at risk of unexpected side-effects from substances that may have been added to what he assumes he is buying.

That said, the heart of your disagreement is not whether he is taking drugs that are illegal or dangerous. The more pressing problem is how the two of you can find a comfortable compromise, given your differing attitudes to drug use. The fact that your boyfriend agreed to give up his habit last year and that, by and large, he has kept to his decision shows how much he cares for and respects you. Nonetheless, his attempts have not resulted in an absolute resolution of the disagreement, and you are both still unhappy.

You need to look for new ways to break this deadlock. I suggest you start by examining carefully the reasons you give when you tell him that you don't want him to take drugs.

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